Good Advice

Comfort and wisdom can come from the most unexpected of sources, and today it came to me from thousands of miles away, from a person I have never met. A comment was left on my post about wedding stress by a lady in Wisconsin, America who has followed my blog for sometime now and often leaves little words of encouragement. This was what she had to say:

“Stress, anticipation, hype, expectations…all the emphasis on a future event distracts you from the present moment, which is the only “real” moment anyway. “Why anyone would want to marry you just now,” is a great reminder that your relationship with Mr. Monster is really about all the “just nows” that you will experience together. Looking into each other’s eyes, feeling his breath raise his chest, listening to the thud of his heart, watching a smile spread across his face, all of the ways that you are attentive to the immediate moment will keep you grounded and perhaps make you feel less cranky!”

Beautifully put, and so true. It’s so easy to lose sight of what’s important and I thought I was the kind of person who wouldn’t get caught up in the planning and the stress. I guess I have been beating myself up for that rather than just enjoying the experience and going with the flow. This comment reminds me to be mindful of the present, to let go of unproductive worry, and to revel in the little things which make life, and love so worthwhile. I have been feeling needy of late and pestering Mr Monster for affection, and I guess that’s because I haven’t been soaking up the simple everyday things which are what a relationship is all about.

Thank you to Scillagrace for continuing to follow my ramblings and for giving me a much needed kick up the bum on these last few days before the wedding. Go on over to her blog to get to know her, and to check out some of the beautiful images she’s creating with her new camera.

 

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The Downside of D.I.Y

Mr Monster and I are now less than a week away from our wedding. When we first got engaged, we knew that we didn’t want a traditional wedding with all its formality and expectation. We wanted something to reflect us, our spirit, and our creativity.

We set about planning a D.I.Y wedding complete with handmade felt flowers and buttonholes, a largely homemade dress, and musical entertainment from Mr Monster himself. What I didn’t anticipate amongst all this was the pressure I would feel to create something spectacular not just for us but for all involved. I’m pleased with the way things are turning out but I am cranky, stressed, and generally unpleasant to be around. Why anyone would want to marry me just now is beyond me.

Is this the same for all brides? Is this just me? Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Who knows, all I do know is that it seems to me that planning a wedding is a test to see if at the end of it all, you still want to be together after heated debates about invitation fonts, shoe colours and various other insignificant details.

Bilbo Baggins said it best when he described himself as feeling like ‘butter spread over too much bread’. I feel drained from the stress of keeping all the organisational plates spinning in these final few weeks and can’t wait for the day to arrive so as I can relax and enjoy the fruits of our labours. In five days I’m having my nails done (which I never normally do), and that is the moment when I can legitimately stop sewing like a madwoman so as not to ruin them, and enjoy the last few days of my single life. Once the gels are on, I will be doing nothing more taxing than drinking bubbly and opening the odd wedding card which drops onto our doormat until the moment I say I do. Hopefully I will become my usual self again instead of this crazed Bridezilla which I never wanted to be. It seems to me that for most brides, as relaxed as you want to be about your nuptials, a bit of stress is inevitable.  I just hope that on the day itself I can rise above my worries and take it all in.

Not a Whole Lot of Monstering Going On

For a blog entitled ‘Mistress of Monsters’, there has been a distinct lack of monster action just lately. Life has taken over somewhat and my monstering activities have been thin on the ground to say the least.

I now get married in nine weeks, and am throwing in a move of house in the meantime for good measure. Two of the most stressful things you can undertake within a month of each other. I’ve had the odd little massive breakdown in the last couple of weeks with the thought of everything that needs to be done. Even though it is all amazingly good stuff that I have to look forward to, that doesn’t stop me getting a little bit wound up about it. I basically just feel completely overwhelmed by the big changes coming up, and by how much work is involved in preparing for them. I know what you’re thinking; ‘Man up and get on with it’, and you’re probably right, but for now…I want my Mummy.

As luck would have it, Mummy monster is coming to visit tomorrow and I’m sure that after a bit of tea and sympathy, I will be feeling a lot more capable and able to enjoy the next couple of months, instead of regarding them with mild terror.

What it all boils down to is that in 10 weeks, I will be wed to my marvellous Mr Monster, and living with him and our two gorgeous cats in a beautiful house with a spectacular garden. That’s not a bad lot in life. I knew from very early on with the Mr that he was the man I was going to marry, and in getting so stressed about everything I start to pick fights and behave like a very silly person. I don’t want that. What I want is to grow flowers, make monsters, and care for my family. It will be a little bit of hard work to get there, but get there we will. Once we do, I promise to make you some more monsters!

Gert Lush

Being the type of person that I am, I’m the first to hold my hands up and say that I don’t handle stress very well. For various reasons, stress levels are high at the moment and I’ve come to the point of no return, of needing to release the pressure or risk spontaneously-combusting into an inferno of irrational irritability. I have needed to do something not just for me, but for the sake of Mr Monster who’s seemingly endless patience must surely be being tested.

And so, yesterday I went out on ‘Operation De-stress’. I got us some half-price posh easter eggs with big smily faces, got some stuff you drop on your tongue which is supposed to promote calm, and as a final flourish, I popped into Lush.

Back when I lived at home years ago, I was a huge fan of the natural bath and body store. I would read each issue of the Lush Times cover-to-cover and could pretty much tell you what was in every product. Any time something new came out I would be straight in to grab some and give it a try. In recent years I’ve not really set foot in the place, partly as it can be so expensive, but mainly as Monster Towers doesn’t have a bath-tub, and somehow a shower just doesn’t seem to have the same magic.

Regardless of this, I felt the Lush mothership calling me. I walked in and instantly dissolved into a puddle on the floor, begging for help from the lovely staff. A wonderful woman took me under her wing, listened to my woes, and guided me around the store helping me find products to wash, scrub, and soak my stress away. I can’t thank her enough for being so kind to me.

Back at home, after a day of monstering (results to come later), I lit some candles in the wet-room, turned out t’big light, and gave in to relaxation, self-indulgence and wanton abandonment of the real world. It worked. It turns out a shower can be just as relaxing as a soak in the tub and I emerged from the bathroom feeling centred and a couple of steps further along the road to recovery. There is still a long way to go, but I am committed to sorting things out and bringing myself back from that horrible web of stress which is so easy to get caught up in.

Mr Monster…as you so rightly said last night , even if it takes us a year to sort things out, we still have 50 left, and quite honestly, I can’t wait to spend them with you.

Love, Love, Love x