I just got home from my first round of house viewings since receiving ‘The Letter’, and I feel the need to spill my guts all over your computer screen so do excuse me while I vent.
Viewing flats and house is one of my favourite things to do…when they are for someone else. I love poking around properties, seeing potential in every room and imagining what it might be like to live there. House-hunting for myself however has to be one of the most stressful tasks I can think of, and I can feel the pressure getting to me already. I saw three horrible, dingy little places today which as soon as I walked in to, I wanted to walk straight back out. There was nothing about them which screamed ‘home’ to me, and I only zoomed around them out of courtesy to the nice young estate agent who had driven me there.
Then however, we came to a house which I could feel myself falling in love with as soon as we walked through the front door. A lovely, well presented two-up, two-down with a little courtyard garden, and all within our budget. It felt like mine as I wandered round, and I just didn’t want to leave. So what did I do? I started to PANIC!
I panicked that maybe Mr Monster won’t like it, I panicked that they won’t allow us to have our cats there, but most of all, I panicked that someone else would snap it up before we can. I know what people always say about ‘what will be will be’, and that was certainly true of our current flat. We knew we had to have it as soon as we crossed the threshold, but our interest in it was rejected in favour of a group of sharers. Two days later however, we received a call telling us that the sharers had fallen through and we could take it if we were still interested. Fate?
So yes, I know that things aren’t always cut and dried and that we will be successful in the case of whichever property is meant to be, but that doesn’t stop me worrying. I guess really, that’s what it boils down to; I’m a worrier. I worry about everything working out for me, Mr Monster and our little cat family. Worry isn’t always a bad thing. I learnt long ago how to separate worry into ‘productive worry’ and ‘unproductive worry’. To let the unproductive worry go, and to harness the productive worry to get things sorted out. That is what gives me the energy to pound the pavement between countless estate agents in the rain and to trawl online property sites for hours on end.
When it comes to the crunch, I am determined that this situation in which we have found ourselves should be a positive one. That it should be the little shove which we need to find out marital home. A house we can make our own and start the new chapter of our time together. It might take time but I will not give up, I will not compromise, and above all, I will not PANIC!
I leave you with an inspirational anti-worry song by my favourite band of all time, Nizlopi. A great anthem for those of us with busy brains to remind us to take it easy. Enjoy.