Please welcome, weighing in at 3 1/2 pounds, the new world heavyweight champion…BLAAAKE AAAALCHEMYYYYY
Blake ‘basher’ Alchemy burst onto the wrestling scene this year in a whirlwind of trash-talk and rumours of bribery and hobnob addiction. He picked up a nasty black eye during his title-winning bout with his opponent Cornelius Smash when his signature move, the screaming blancmange, backfired and resulted in a dramatic fall from the top rope. Blake has a different pair of spangly pants for each day of the week, pictured are his Wednesday pants, a particular favourite with his devoted fans. Controversy raged earlier this month when these famous and emotionally charged pants went missing and were feared stolen. The drama abated however, when it was discovered that they were simply stuck to his Thursday pants with tumble dryer static.